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THE REAL FAKE NEWS

This is the only official genuine fake news.

All of the rest are imposters...

(All news is completely fake. If it has the word "news" in it, like newscaster, news report, news station, etc., you would have to be a complete idiot to believe anything they say, since "news" is a psychological operations keyword for  bullshit propaganda designed to brainwash you into believing whatever the "news" source wants you to believe or not believe. However, this is the only REAL FAKE NEWS, officially voted in and designated by the authorities to unconscioubly and publicly proclaim that it is 143% pure bullshit, unlike the rest calling themselves the FAKE NEWS, who are not officially authorized to admit to being completely ridiculous. Check back frequently to keep up to date with the latest happenings throughout the world, and other places. We can not set a particular time for when the latest news will be reported, unlike all the other FAKE NEWS, because they are imposters who have to wait until the Amalgamated Universal Minister of Propaganda loads their latest excretions from the Associated Dung Heap into their teleprompters for the lifelike news anchors to read ... 

​THIS JUST IN:​

     September 2, 2018: It is reported that anonymous secret civilians infiltrated the Clean-cut Ted Bundy Memorial Rich Honky Country Club in Puscalito, California where the Republican Democrat Newnazi Party Moot Court Monopoly Game Debate Team was holding their monthly conference. The secret civilians tried to use advertising to brainwash the corporate executives, politicians, lawyers, and other rich witches into build a giant wall around Washington, D.C. and Virginia to keep the official chief political/economic monsters from escaping into the human population. At that time the rich witches were set on making the wall one-sided, rather than completely encircling the perimeter, with the edge of the one-sided wall set at the Mexican border, for keeping out Mexicans and other humans visiting from countries not agreeing to help the United Snakes of Armageddon to bomb residential neighborhoods in third world countries for oil, in the name of bomb maker prevention, to protect American peasants from imaginary dirty designer underwear bombs and to keep Americans from escaping to Mexico to escape the newnazi secret police state. "We need this f**king wall to keep Mexicans from stealing our gold digging hookers with offers of love, affection, and kindness instead of a shiny lump of gold." one co-conspirator was heard saying. "Yeah; but, we can always buy some more, just like all of our other toys." said another. The secret civilians pointed out to the well-educated but feeble-minded degenerates that a wall completely encircling Washington, D.C. and Virginia would protect the headquarters and diversion scam offices of the newnazi collaborator corporation so that they could operate their under the table behind closed doors peasant controlling system to spread their evil filth and oppression all around the world. "You could build it with rusted cars and other junk confiscated from innocent civilians under forfeiture laws by the Secret Newnazi Marijuana Brain Police that is no longer usable to the pigs." said one secret civilian to the winner of the country club's monthly Ted Bundy look-alike contest. "Hey yeah! We could call it the Iron Curtain. We can hire Mexicans to build it and then deport them afterwards." said the country club's secretary of bribes and embezzlement. "Yeah, but it would be harder to pick on foreign peasants from that far away unless we can find some excuse to bomb them. Maybe we need to exploit deaths and other tragedies where illegal immigrants are involved and imply that this happens all the time because of Mexicans, like the buzzards that we are, to brainwash people into hating Mexicans from the weak nature of the human mind towards people who are different from themselves." said the regional manager of the horn tooting hypocrites and con artists. "If we could just get people to believe the news and other TV brainwash psychological operations programs. Maybe we could hire Mexicans to sh*t on the front porch of people with security cameras and post it on Weetube. They probably won't even notice that the number of views listed for videos is controlled by our secret brainwash agendas and is not really affected by civilians to any great degree, unless they happen to look down and notice that if they are not a Weetube member their views really have little effect, even if they come back for another peek a billion kazillion times. If we can trick them into watching the news, we can force them to listen to rich witch propaganda whether they like it, or requested it, or not, by rewoofing turds posted on Woofer by the executive puppet figurehead imbecile leaders and oppressors in charge of official sugar-frosted bullish*t." said the liaison for Rich Witch Red Carpet Munchers and Green Bay Fudgepackers. The debate continues...           

     August 10, 2018: The Royal Society of Pretentious Horn Tooters in Estonia is blaming terrorism for the big earthquake in Turkey. Tourists on the West coast of South America are rebelling against that consensus, stating that everybody should stop pretending that everything is about terrorism.

     The stock market is up and down, as usual, while the Chief Pimp Financial Executive of the Gullible Investors Consolidated Funds Corporation is admitting in his new book that stocks are just a weapon for scammer covens playing a musical chairs Ponzi scheme monopoly game to con the masses into submitting to rich peoples' unofficial control of all resources, where rich people and the government pretend to be trying to stop insider trading, while at the same time in reality they are making a con game sport of secret under the table deception of complete insider trading. In chapter eleven of his new book, he confesses that the government and rich people claiming to be trying to prevent insider trading is like the Nazis claiming to be trying to prevent mistreatment of Jews.

     A nine year old girl in a third world country shot down the International Space Station today after she figured out that the directional dish on her neighbor's roof could not pick up a consistent signal from an alleged satellite in an orbit around the Earth having a radius much smaller than the radius of the orbit of the Moon around the Earth, unless it was able to pivot, like a telescope when it is tracking the moon or other bodies in space, even if you had wall to wall satellites in orbit, which would have to be so close together that it would be like if the Moon had many duplicates in the same orbit close enough together that there would be no temporary loss of view of at least one Moon at any time, even though the telescope is left in a fixed position without moving, which would be logistically impossible. So, whatever base the signals are sent from, the electromagnetic signals from alleged satellites would actually have to be reflected in a highly scattered pattern off the Earth's atmosphere from a transmitter or transmitters on the ground, rather than a pinpoint vector origin high up in the sky from satellites transmitting radio waves directly towards the dish instead of being scattered off an electromagnetically reflective portion of the Earth's atmosphere . Just like you can triangulate a signal sent to and from a cell phone by comparing relative proximity to the nearest cell towers, a GPS device would actually have to be triangulating from ground transmitters, since the Earth's orbit has only imaginary satellites which are a complete fabrication by the Big Lie Post World War Two Secret League of Unjust Nations. Because the masses are pacified with food and shelter most of the time, they have in the past been easy prey for secret covens of liars, robbers, and con-artists, where a fairly honest population of civilians would tend to think that there couldn't possibly be that many people who would lie about things of that magnitude, such as nuclear bombs and men on the Moon, which could only be verified by government-authorized alleged scientist con artists and politicians, who individually and collectively lie to the whole world as co-conspirators, such as when the wicked Attorney General of the United States, (who on one hand pretends to be a Christian in order to hide and camouflage his dark soul and evil motives and intentions, yet persecutes families from shit hole countries south of the U.S. border, while mostly caucasian Canadians routinely drive over the bridge to shop in local malls, visit bars or friends on this side of the border, or otherwise interact in a non-hostile way),  claims in the Big Lie that no good person smokes pot. We all know that is the complete opposite of the truth. In fact, if he wanted to speak the truth, which even the most wicked have to do some of the time, he should have said that no good person works for the government. If it wasn't for the fact that there are limits to how much evil oppression any population of civilians will ignore and/or tolerate before exploding into riots, complete rebellion, and any other means known to humans for fighting back against tyranny, the Newnazis controlling the material resources would probably call in a drone strike with a Hellfire missile to wipe out a terminally ill cancer patient who has been revealed by high ranking confidential Newnazi informants to have smoked one too many joints of medical Marijuana. The nine year old girl who shot down the International Space Station has been called a hero and given a big parade down the dirt road in her village, since nobody was hurt when the space station crashed into the ground, as there were never any people actually on board, but just a giant bag of sugar frosted bullshit.                          

     August 9, 2018: Authorities in New Mexico are reporting an intercepted plot by Mexican pot smokers to train Kindergartners to beat up the principal and stab your mom. The plot was discovered by Sheriff Joe Blow, when he overheard a conversation by some strange looking people who wandered in from a local campsite and joined him in soaking in a hippie hole a few miles outside of Taos, New Mexico. These weirdos did not know he was the sheriff because he was not wearing his uniform at the time. The information he gathered there led him and his cap gun posse to a small home at a remote location in the desert, where evidence was uncovered which proved beyond any reasonable doubt that there was an organized conspiracy by Mexican pot smokers. "We found some beans and a couple of roaches", said Sheriff Joe Blow to a news reporter from a local TV station. "It looks like they were having a barbecue and the beans fell through the grill". The details of how they know there was a plot to train Kindergartners has to remain a secret for the time being because it is an ongoing investigation, and not just a completely staged publicity stunt to make Mexican pot smokers look bad. Sheriff Joe said he is not just out to get Mexicans, as all the evidence indicates. "I liked a Mexican once many years ago. So, I am not just some Nazi trying to compensate for my small penis, pretending to be tough by being mean to defenseless unarmed humans. I am only trying to defend our freedom by capturing the bad guys who refuse to conform exactly to a free society as ordered by the authorities appointed by the CEOs of various large corporations to maintain law and order and see that their uniforms are properly starched."

     In a related story, sneaky guys in civilian clothes, from a local field office near Taos, New Mexico, headquartered in a house in a residential neighborhood, with a great big antenna for finding dangerous brain waves, have set up a special task force to investigate a nuclear missile silo, located by the International Space Station while they were flying over a mountain located inside the land of Indians not taxed. "We suspect the Pueblo Indians are taking advantage of our generosity of letting them live by telling us we can't snoop at the top of their sacred mountain to make sure they aren't doing anything to endanger our freedom. It is obvious they are influenced by agents of the former Soviet-controlled nation of Oblivia, who are trying to influence local art dealers. This has been confirmed after a high ranking confidential informant reported smelling Marijuana coming from inside a local gallery.

     It was discovered early this morning that the entire city of Charles, Vermont, once a bustling ultramegalopolis, has completely vanished from the face of the Earth. "Holy s**t!" proclaimed a citizen of a nearby county. "This is like an episode of The Twilight Zone!". "It's almost like some kind of alien beings are looking at us as if we are little ants, and they have a great big magnifying glass". "Do you think the aliens, or angels, or suspected Mexicans trying to sneak across the Canadian border in order to be persecuted, are playing us , like we are a bunch of dumb animals who need to be harvested for our organs if we don't meet their standards? Something's happening here, but we don't know what it is. Do you, Miss Jones?". Authorities are still investigating but have not heard from the secret agents they sent to the scene; and, their phones and GPS tracking devices have stopped all signals from being received...