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JUST IN: Chinese officials are worried about a possible outbreak of the human equivalent to "Mad Cow Disease" after it was reported that a group of students was observed rolling on the floor in hysterical fits of laughter outside the computer department at Fushun Petroleum University in Fushun, Liaoning, located in the People's Republic of China. " North Korea? Really? North Korea? Holy Water Buffalo dung! I didn't know even Americans could be that stupid! ", one of the students, Hu Flung Poo, (who refused to reveal his major to reporters), was quoted as saying. 

​     Meanwhile leaders of the consolidated organization of militant Al-Qaeda ISIS Scientologists have issued a press release stating that they have decided that now is the right time for them to come out of the closet and admit that they have all been gay all along. "We feel guilty for not standing up for what we believe is right sooner, and hope that those of our kind have not suffered needlessly as a result. What could be holier and more right than sticking your dick up some other guy's ass and then taking turns licking off the feces and performing oral sex on each other? If it's OK with Bill Clinton and the movie industry, it must be cool right? I mean, after all, he does play Tenor Sax. Even the poop-eating chicken fuckers are just as normal as everybody else and deserve the same equal rights. Sure, the weddings can get a little messy; and, the receptions even more so. But, hey, we're all God's creatures, even the bacteria that thrive in the pus from an infected hemorrhoid on a dead Baboon's rectum. Either give in to all of our demands, all around the world where there are exploitable resources, including all of the conditions we have forwarded to Homeland Security, and the movie industry, or we will start torturing British reporters by strapping them to a chair, taping their eyes open, and forcing them to watch the entire movie of  "The Interview", without any anesthetic. Then we will begin a very scary terror campaign of suicide beheadings the likes of which the world has never seen; and, you have our word that it won't be just C.G.I. produced by androids, an inside job, or the desperate acts of the devil's disciples who know their time is short and they have nothing to lose. Send us your email address if you would like to receive our free newsletter, and a coupon for 10% off on your next movie download."...