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​deanrichardkibbe.com

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​I have decided to use this website mainly for expressing my ideas, with occasional images/documents for informational value, and use my other website, deanrichardkibbe.net for media display, such as photos, audio recordings, and maybe eventually videos, without comment, so that any conflict in opinions with my ideas and/or statement of facts will not interfere with the objective appreciation of the beauty of sight or sound. I am mentally ill. I have severe PTSD as a result of combat experiences in Viet Nam. One of the side effects is that I get very angry at times. I live like a hermit; so, I am able to vent that rage by shouting vulgar language, often at a computer, or some other inanimate object, until the anger subsides, since there is nobody else around but me. I make a point to not take God's name in vain. To fully vent my rage in the most severe states of anger I often have to make up new words or word combinations that would make a drill instructor with Tourette's Syndrome blush. I don't like having to do that; but, it actually works very well to relieve my temporary rage in a harmless manner. I have to spend my time alone because other people, especially other males, are a stressor, a type of trigger that aggravates my PTSD. My anger, of course, sometimes has an influence in the manner in which I express my ideas. A lot of times other persons might feel anger from hearing me express the way I feel. That makes it a near impossibility, along with other things, for me to have any type of social life among humans. But, I am OK with that. I have gotten used to living a reclusive life. I have a strong religious faith and place my values in looking forward to the next world. But, I am just crazy, not stupid. We live in a violent, angry, greedy, selfish, hypocritical world, where many people often place no value on other lives unless they are compatible or in complete agreement with them. I was raised to be a nice person; and, I still am. But, I can't live up to the ideals I value in some ways when it comes to dealing with other people. My ideas are still just as valuable as the next person's, just like the ideas of persons who don't have PTSD or some other type of mental illness. The majority of really terrible things that people sometimes do are done by people who are not mentally ill. People often mistakenly think they and/or their ideas/beliefs are better than those of yours because you have a mental illness. Nowadays people hate and sometimes attack other people because they have different economic, political, or religious beliefs. My beliefs are not influenced in the slightest by other persons' beliefs. If anyone or anything causes me stress I just avoid them. A lot of times people can cause stress to other persons with PTSD by making their particular stressors/triggers more apparent. When I see an American flag, it is a severe stressor to my PTSD. It makes me see dead bodies and caskets. It makes me think of death, and the horrifying things in war. I don't see a shiny casket of polished wood draped with a colorful cloth. I see dead bodies that look like what you would see if you opened the box at a closed casket funeral. I hear the screams of two marines I saw blown up into the air by booby traps that I have relived over and over again for years. When you wave a flag in my face it is just as traumatic and disrespectful to me as it would be to you if I waived the mangled, scorched corpse of your children in front of you. I am so tired of hearing hypocrites say: "Thank you for your service.", when what they really mean is: "Let's shoot or bomb the shit out of everybody that isn't us because the liberators who break down our doors to keep us from smoking weed told us that it is our own idea; and, they should know because they are our representatives and servants." I'm just crazy, not stupid. What's your excuse? Have a nice day...   

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